I've been such a fool...

I've been such a fool. My ex started texting me again. I don't know why... She asked me if I knew how to remove cat pee from clothes, I said I did not. She claims my cats peed on her clothes. Then she asked if I still thought she was a horrible cunt and I replied that I didn't, that I was better now... Then she says that Karma is a bitch. I thought she meant that something would happen to me so I reversed the situation and said: yeah? how does it feel. And that's when she tells me that she started dating this guy but he has herpes...

I told her that I was sorry and that I wouldn't mess with that crap. So from then on, she asked if we could be friends again but I doubt we ever were... I said ok. We started talking about the fact that she wants an honest, caring, open, giving, trustworthy relationship...I asked: since when? That's what we had and she blew it. I told her that she should really think about the fact that it's one thing to want something and another to be able to live up to it. She obviously couldn't.

At this point she didn't want to talk about the past anymore, so I asked her about her new 'friend', and she told me. You see, I'm shaking as I'm writing this now... She told me all the details of their dates and how she's concern about sex because she's not going to have sex with him ( she says) and then she asked me for my opinion. I told her that she should be upfront with him about the no sex thing and if he's alright with that then great other wise she's just leading him on. If she doesn't do that, she ends up taking the risk of finding herself in a situation where she's horny and available and might do something that she's regret the rest of her life.

You see, I tried to be a friend for her but reading about her new life is too painful for me. So last night I send her a long text, here it it:

Dearest Allison, there's something I must confess. I can't be your friend. You see, I'm so terribly still in love with you and I miss you so much. I really wanted to be there for you as a friend but it sickens me to know that you're with someone else. I was shaking when your were telling me about him, I wanted to vomit. My heart breaks when I see how quickly you replaced me. I'm soooo sorry but I really can't do it. It's too painful and destructive. I hope you understand that it's not out of of meanness that I say this, it's out of sadness and pain. I love love love love you sooooooo much my dearest angel fairy and I will miss you sooooo much I can't bare it. My heart goes to you and Bonnie (her daughter). I sincerely wish you the best...Your love, always...jeanjoel