Henna BBQ

So I did this gig in the middle of Missouri yesterday. I really had fun. It was totally NOT like deliverance! :P

Everyone were really nice, good people.

Here are some pics:

New sketch

Sooooo....

It has been a rocky last 2 months, I'll tell ya all about it in another post. I'm still sketching with my drawing group and I love it. It's more adult but without the pretense.

Here's my last, enjoy, and as always, please comment and/or 'like'.

oil pastels on grey paper- 24 by 36

 

 

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Ouch, my back!

My back has been hurting me for the longest time but now, it's really getting worse. Sometimes the pain is paralyzing!

Here's a photo of my lower back, taken one and a half year ago. I suspect it's much worse now...

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Morning has broken...

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My latest...

So I have to put up a painting tomorrow for our senior thesis. I just finished this one, since my 3 other pieces will be at Koken for the Renaissance show...

Voila!

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Damn it! my comments are gone!!! :((

Painting is hard...

So I whipped out my paints last night at a painting session and did this. It was a lot of fun but I think I'm still searching for my own way of making marks. A lot of my strokes were tentative. I just need to do more and more and more :))

By the way, this was done in oils...

Just a dreamer...

I need a hot, passionate woman that can't stand to be away from me. I need a woman that would get wet just thinking about me, one that would...Aah! Nevermind. Who am I kidding...I'm just a dreamer... A passionate dreamer lost in a world of gain, betrayal and secrets....

I'm a strong dreamer tho... I shall conjure her from wherever she is, and she will come...my passionate lover...

work...no, fun.

What I did last night. I was doing some exploration. :))

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The sweetness of the infinite...

I dive within myself

and dissolve into the infinite, like honey in hot tea.

Aah, to lose oneself into the ocean of bliss.

To become one again, like the raindrop falling into the ocean...

I am home again, love me, caress me, make love to me

I am yours.

what happened...

Ok some of you have asked what happened, why did we break up. Not to beat a dead horse, but here's the story.

3 things broke the engagement and they all have to do with trust issues...

I took her in, with her baby in my apartment. I took the metro so she could have the car to go to work.

I took her in my heart fully.

Note that this is only the bad side of our relationship. We had some beautiful and very intimate moments.

I had 2 piece in a show called 'Naughti Gras'. We both were suppose to go but at the last minute I decided not to go... It was a 2 day event.

She asked if she could go, I said sure; And I was ok with that. I would stay home and watch Bonnie. She would use my car.

One thing troubled me however, her ex, whom she had told me about was going to be there. She told me that this guy has/had a strong influence on her and that's why she wasn't speaking to him anymore. She was staying away.

As she's getting dressed, I can feel her excitement and joy. A joy that she didn't have staying home. She got dressed and wore some very sexy undies and fishnet stocking. I have to pause here to tell you that I had spent the whole day cleaning and setting up our bedroom, dinning room, etc.. because Michele had moved out. I wanted us to enjoy the place to ourselves for the first time.

Any way, as she's getting dressed, I'm starting to feel annoyed, jealous and left out. I share this feeling with her but she really wants to go.

She goes, after 1 1/2 hour, I send her a text to tell her that I'm freaking out and that I don't think I can handle her being there with her ex and alcohol, etc... I'd like her to come home.

She replies: I just got a beer and my friend's band is about to start playing.

I tell her: I guess you've made your choice...

She doesn't reply

2 hours later I say: you probably think that I'm not serious about this.

she doesn't reply

at 12:30 am I send her a final text saying that is was over, we're done.

at that moment she replies: I'm on my way.

She comes home, we argue. I told her how dare she blew me off like that and that I want her out. We talk things, she apologized for being so blowing me off. We decided to give it one more chance.

The next day, all day long, she keeps getting these texts. I ask her who they're from. They're from her ex. A dozen texts later, he text her: why don't you come over to my place, you can bring Bonnie. So I asked her what her reply was, she said: I don't have a car!?!

I was furious! Her reply was I don't have a car?!?!? so I tell her if she knows how this looks?

As we're arguing about that, he texts again. I say: Is that him again? she says yes, I say: let me see and I sit next to her and she starts to pull the phone towards her so that I can't see the screen. This is where I lost it and I yanked the phone out of her hands and when I saw myself doing that, I knew it was over. I gave her the phone back and I told her to leave.

She called her parents to come pick her up and packed while crying. She said she was sorry, and that it's only at that moment that she sees everything I had done for her.

So now, I'm single again. We talked after that, I asked her if she was with her ex, she said no and that she never wants to see him again.

Then she blocked me as a friend on facebook but kept all the nice photos I tagged in.

She tried to come back but I told her no. I can no longer trust her and that there needs to be consequences to her actions. That was half the truth. I really started enjoying living here by myself.

She was worried about her cat, she would have to put him in a shelter. I told her to leave him. I'll take care of him until she has her own place.

So now I have 3 cats, all males :)

That's pretty much it. I really love her, but she's so young. I even told her that I understand her behavior. I was  young and selfish as well.

New work

So I just got back from Koken. We had a group drawing / painting session. I did some exploration with Sumi ink on Yupo paper. It's such a strange texture but does some really interesting things. I still had time to so a pastel painting of the model. I also gave her one of the drawings.

Let me know what you think, and please click a few starts if you like it.

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New Show coming up...fast

So I'm part of a show that's coming up fast. The submission deadline is this Friday. I have to submit 3 large paintings, 3 by 4 feet and I've just started today! hahaha.

Leave it to me to work under pressure.

Should I show the progress of the work or just show the final product?

Heavy heart...

I woke up with a heavy heart today.

I tried to fight the tears but then gave up and cried and cried all day.

I just don't understand why it hurts so, or maybe it's just me, letting go...

I felt this grief coming, like a giant wave that swept me away, from my stable ground.

There's nothing I could do, nothing to hold on to.

This wave tumbled me around and around,

and now I feel lost, like a drift wood on a sea shore.

Venus Envy?

So I went to Venus Envy tonight at Mad Art Gallery. I had fun looking at everyone that was there. I even saw a few friends I had not seen in a while. It was also nice to get out of the house. I was starting to feel trapped with this snow...

I took some photos of some of the performers tonight. One girl, Ellen the fellon, really touched my heart when she sang. Her boyfriend was killed in a hit and run a few weeks ago. She was in the car with him as she told him she loved him. That was the last thing she said. Most of her songs were about that experience.

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Tuscany here we go

So a friend of mine commissioned me to do a painting of a Tuscan landscape sunset with red flowers.

It's done and will be delivered tomorrow, yay!

Here it is, what do you think? I did it for $200. Not bad heh? So, who's next??? lol

 

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Cute girl...

So I went to this drawing meeting club thingy at Coffee Cartel and it was fun. I love it when people have different  opinions and are not afraid to share them. Like the French say If we all think alike, no one"s thinking!

But, I did notice on the corner of my eye this really cute girl. She works there. I think I have a thing for nerdy girls... I think they're hot.

Anyway, here she is. Has any of you seen this show called "Dead Like Me"? She reminds me of the weird little sister. hehehe.

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More henna today...

So I did a little more henna today at MoKaBes coffee across the park.

Let me know what you think...At least rate it.

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More henna today at MoKaBes

Letme know what u think...

New henna

Ok, so I just did some henna. Here it is...

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I've been such a fool...

I've been such a fool. My ex started texting me again. I don't know why... She asked me if I knew how to remove cat pee from clothes, I said I did not. She claims my cats peed on her clothes. Then she asked if I still thought she was a horrible cunt and I replied that I didn't, that I was better now... Then she says that Karma is a bitch. I thought she meant that something would happen to me so I reversed the situation and said: yeah? how does it feel. And that's when she tells me that she started dating this guy but he has herpes...

I told her that I was sorry and that I wouldn't mess with that crap. So from then on, she asked if we could be friends again but I doubt we ever were... I said ok. We started talking about the fact that she wants an honest, caring, open, giving, trustworthy relationship...I asked: since when? That's what we had and she blew it. I told her that she should really think about the fact that it's one thing to want something and another to be able to live up to it. She obviously couldn't.

At this point she didn't want to talk about the past anymore, so I asked her about her new 'friend', and she told me. You see, I'm shaking as I'm writing this now... She told me all the details of their dates and how she's concern about sex because she's not going to have sex with him ( she says) and then she asked me for my opinion. I told her that she should be upfront with him about the no sex thing and if he's alright with that then great other wise she's just leading him on. If she doesn't do that, she ends up taking the risk of finding herself in a situation where she's horny and available and might do something that she's regret the rest of her life.

You see, I tried to be a friend for her but reading about her new life is too painful for me. So last night I send her a long text, here it it:

Dearest Allison, there's something I must confess. I can't be your friend. You see, I'm so terribly still in love with you and I miss you so much. I really wanted to be there for you as a friend but it sickens me to know that you're with someone else. I was shaking when your were telling me about him, I wanted to vomit. My heart breaks when I see how quickly you replaced me. I'm soooo sorry but I really can't do it. It's too painful and destructive. I hope you understand that it's not out of of meanness that I say this, it's out of sadness and pain. I love love love love you sooooooo much my dearest angel fairy and I will miss you sooooo much I can't bare it. My heart goes to you and Bonnie (her daughter). I sincerely wish you the best...Your love, always...jeanjoel

Breakthrough?

Wow, so today I understood something really cool. I realize now why I get so worked up about things people do, including girlfriends or exes. It's because I always think that I would not have done this or that, this way! That is such a ridiculous notion because it wasn't who did it and the moment is past. All I need to do is react or not to what is and not what should have been...

I feel so good...

I don't know why. Maybe it's because Spring is finally here. I also feel like I'm at a crossroad, come to think of it, aren't we always at a crossroad? lol.

I'm meeting a lot of people and it's great to be in different circles. I can't believe how much I was limiting myself.

I also want to go to Guadeloupe this Summer but I don't know if I'll have the money. If I keep selling art tho, I'll be able to buy my ticket. Yay! hehehe.

I went to this party last night and I have a lot of fun...

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School...

So, how is it possible that I'm getting more by doing my own thing than what get from school? Maybe I've been using school as a crutch and now I'm ready to fly on my own?

I think I put too much hope and expectation on people and things...

Relationship...

Ok, so I'm feeling a lot better about the break up today. I think I may have forgiven her. I expected so much from her and she is so young. I think I was as selfish as she was, in different ways.  I also didn't want to let go of my anger because I have a tendency to forgive too quickly and easily, and when I do, I do foolish things as get back together.... :P

It's perfect timing since today is the first day of Spring. I took my bike out for a ride in the park and that was awesome. I hung out at Mockabes coffee house across the park where I met a couple of people and we just talked for a few hours.

Tonight I'm going to do henna at a 'Purim' celebration. I'll probably post some photos...

I think I'll spend a little more time here rather than spend it on Facebook.

How interesting  it is that I said: "I'll spend more time here..." I guess the "I" is my attention? I think therefore I am?

The moon

I dreamed of the moon last night. She was going down into the urban skyline. It was so beautiful. As she descended into oblivion, she became larger with tones of blue, orange and purple. As she dissolved into the skyscraper, I felt as if she was dissolving into me.
Such a beautiful moon...

Classical or Expressionist

I've been working on my self portrait for class and I HATE it. I can't stand this tedious glazing and glazing and glazing. The process is just tooooooo slow for me.
I guess I'm more of an expressionist type of guy. I like my brush strokes to show.This is who I am, my brush strokes, not my subject.
Anyway...my ex sent me a text photo of her baby last night. I swear she's doing this on purpose! So I sent her back a text/photo of my new bedroom :)
I think the last thing I text her was: I curse the day I met you! hahaha.

So, I'm feeling much better now...

So, I still have some thoughts of anger about my ex but for the most part I'm really happy. It's a beautiful day, warm and sunny.

I've been working on this self portrait project for school. It's giving me a hard time. This glazing is....slow. : ) I don't think I have that kind of patience. lol.

Here's the piece:

So, I've been drawing again...

I've been going to these drawing/painting groups and for the most part, I really like it.

Here are two drawings I did. They are made with dry pastels. I just bought some oil pastels today, I've never used them. I can't wait to see what I do with them...

Ok, so I added a couple more photos of some sketches I did last night...

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some of these were done in 20 minutes, some in 10.

Some prints...

I forgot to post some of the prints I did in my printmaking class last semester...

Enjoy!

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Wow, it's been a while...

So...to make a long story short, I was engaged and now I'm not. : )
I was in love, truly, but as it turns out, she's a great manipulator and a very selfish person...Oh well, enough about that.

I'm starting to get somewhere with my art. I'm still in school, at UMSL, and plan on being there for at least another semester. I realized something there. I need to market my SELF not so much my WORK. I have an interesting background and story. I've modified my work so that it may reflect that.

This is a photo of the style I'm doing now. It's not a great photo but you'll get the picture...get it? get the picture? lol, ok, ok, bad joke...



I think this will be a great year for me :P