me latest henna.

death...

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="420" caption="Native American funeral"][/caption]

My friend's grand mother died yesterday so I called her in Guadeloupe. We had a great chat. She said that granma' was 92 and was tired of not being able to move and do thing on her own. She had to have people bathing and changing her. She just decided to stop eating until she died. She died in a hospital bed.

So I told my friend that I would probably do the same thing were it me in that position but, I told her, if she's around, to make sure not to leave me in the hospital. I want to die looking at the sunset over the ocean.

My show

Ok so, only 3 of my peeps showed up at my show hahaha. Niiiiiice.

[caption id="attachment_599" align="alignleft" width="323" caption="jeanjoel"][/caption]

I change my room around

I changed my room around and I feel a little better. I still have some feelings of anger and RAGE popping up from time to time.

I cleaned my room, it's more open now. I had to put my foam on the floor because sleeping on the futon was increasing my back pain. I'll figure my 'office' tomorrow.

Saturday is my opening. I think it'll be fun! I wonder who will show up...

I also braided my hair...it's getting really long.

I'm sipping a glass of white wine. I haven't had wine in over 2 weeks.

my little heart...

I was walking through the park today. The air was cold, not too cold. There was stillness within and without. Upon a path I saw a small tree. It had lost all it's plumage, all but a few and that's when I saw it. It was my little heart. It was perched on the highest branch, looking down at me...dancing in the cold wind. It was unguarded, unprotected, naked for all to see...

[caption id="attachment_588" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="my heart"][/caption]

I see the moon

[caption id="attachment_584" align="alignleft" width="180" caption="moon"][/caption]

The view of the moon from my bed.

Rage!

So after my freaky dream, I laid down to sleep some more. I went through  my morning thing; hot water, shower, asanas, meditation.

I woke up at 9 in a foul mood. I'm angry, angry, angry. I have rage inside. I can't believe how much. I really feel like a fool even though I know that no time was wasted...

In a lighter note, David made me realize that I do have options with school. Fontbonne was holding my transcripts against their will because I didn't pay some parking ticket. Anyway, I've paid the $175 and now my transcripts are free! Since I'm only going to take liberal arts classes, I might as well take them at UMSL. I think it's cheaper there. We'll see. I've sent my transcripts from both institutions to UMSL and I've applied, so the ball is in their court.

I'm still angry. I don't know if I actually have this anger inside or it's because I woke up 'wrong' lol. It happens to me sometimes when I take an after noon nap.

really freaky dream

All I remember is that we ( my mom, my cousin Dimitri, his mom(?) I think, and some other people) are walking. We have to get to this place. At one point Dimitri's mother (but it wasn't his mother, it was a much older woman) somehow was in this well. My mom leans over to help. The next scene is that we're approaching my grand parent's (who are dead in real life) house when I'm wondering where is my mom. They tell me that she fell into the hole. I felt sick as I tried to wrap my head around this idea. We (Dimitri and I) end up at my grand parent's house when we hear them coming. My grand father, Edmond, meets us and embraces Dimitri first. He always liked him best. I notice as I hug him that Edmond is much taller and more built than he was in life. He looks good, happy and full of life. My grand mother, Merita, is behind him. She looks great too. In life, when she died, her mind was completely gone and was hunched over like Casimodo. Here, she was walking straight and her mind was clear. She was remembering and identifying stuff as if to show us how well she was. They said that it was due to some new medication she was taking. As we're about to sit at a table, I realize that I have to 'help' my mom. I can't just sit there. I must call the police or better yet the firemen. They need to go down that well, that very deep well, to recover her body. I don't even know if she's dead. Oh god, what if she's not dead. I'm ill just thinking about what she must have felt when she fell. I start panicking. I share this with the others and I say that either way there needs to be a resolution. What do I do with her home and legal life. There needs to be an official document or something. At this point Merita agrees with what happened. "yes, she fell into the book". What? No, she fell into the hole. I'm thinking Merita is loosing her head again but she insist that she fell into the book, just like Alice in Wonderland.

So, it's 3:29am and I'm awake. I had to write this vivid and weird dream.

I know that Merita is my great sub conscious and Edmond is my super conscious; that my mom is my sub conscious and that death means change. I'm not sure about the long black hole of a well. I guess part of me died in that hole...

The other four spirits...

These are my little boxes. They measure 8 by 8 by 3 inches. They are for sale ($60 each) and will be showed at AkaChique gallery in Crestwood mall for 1 month. The opening is Saturday 5th from 5pm 'till 9pm.

[caption id="attachment_561" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="spirit 4 $60"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_562" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="spirit 3 $60"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_563" align="aligncenter" width="294" caption="spirit 2 $60"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_564" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="spirit 1 $60"][/caption]

4 some!

So I'm done with the paintings for tomorrow. I'm showing you 4 of 8.

Enjoy! These are for sale ($120) and will be showed at AkaChique gallery for one month. The opening is this Saturday Nov. 5th from 5pm until 9pm. See you there!

[caption id="attachment_548" align="aligncenter" width="294" caption="sacred ritual $120"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_549" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="full sail $120"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_550" align="aligncenter" width="297" caption="twin towers $120"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_551" align="aligncenter" width="289" caption="beyond green $120"][/caption]

4 paintings

 

Ok, so here are 4 of the paintings I'm bringing to the gallery tomorrow. I tried to have less 'bright' colors..lol. I'm trying to make it more 'earthy'. I guess that's as earth as I get. :D

 

[caption id="attachment_542" align="alignleft" width="294" caption="acrylic on canvas"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_543" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="acrylic on canvas"][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_545" align="alignleft" width="297" caption="acrylic on canvas"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_546" align="alignleft" width="289" caption="acrylic on canvas"][/caption]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

no more piercing.

Ok, so I removed my Angel piercing today...actually just now. I think I'm done with that. I like it better.

Here's how I look:

 

[caption id="attachment_520" align="alignnone" width="500" caption="me without my piercing"][/caption]

 

 

nude figure

 

[caption id="attachment_517" align="alignnone" width="500" caption="nude figure"][/caption]

Ok, this is the 3rd of my charcoal drawings. I guess I have to start on my acrylics for my show that's in 3 days. lol.

By the way, I love love love drawing the figure. I think I could do the figure in charcoal all day long and everyday.

Anyway, I doubt anyone looks at this blog and if they do never leave a message...how rude! lol

 

native american child

 

[caption id="attachment_476" align="alignnone" width="500" caption="native american child"][/caption]

Ok, so I'm on a roll, the next one should be a body...

Hum....this is for a Catholic school so...I don't know how sexy I can make the pose... I guess we'll find out hehe.

 

ryan portrait

[caption id="attachment_470" align="alignnone" width="500" caption="ryan"][/caption]

This is my latest work. It's charcoal on mylar. It about 16 inches across and 24 down. I really like this piece and I intend to enter it in a juried show at Fontbonne. I hope I win because the first prize is $1000, second $500 and third $250.

So today, I feel much better...It comes in waves but what a difference a day makes.

l i f e   i s   g o o d

J G D

I have to move on...

This is hard...I've been here before...sort of.

A clean break is all I need. Run, run, don't look back or you'll turn into a pillar of salt, frozen in time, frozen in pain.

My heart is agitated in fear, in pain waiting for the final blow, the final crush.

I believe did the right thing. It an endless vortex...the black hole...my love.

I'm too weak to face it all. I can't sit on the sidelines anymore. I wish I could, I wish I could be there for you.  In a way I'am...

I can only loose so many feathers...before I can't fly anymore, and fly I must.

I will soar high up in the heavenly skies, I will think of you when I'm well.

I will fly in search for just a moment, a place of ease where I can rebuild and be reborn.

Out of my ashes I will feel again, trust again, love again.

So long my love...

I truly love you.

J.

Thanksgiving.Meditation...again

So I started meditating again... I can't believe I ever stopped.

[caption id="attachment_443" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="meditating"][/caption]

I   f e e l   s o   g o o d . . .

I've also changed my diet again. I'm avoiding sugar, wheat, fried stuff and alcohol however I will make an exception for Thanksgiving.

I'm invited at 4 different places. I think I can only do 2 of them.

So I'm thankful to have this beautiful healthy body, my mom, nomique, the boys, Art, my cats, Maharishi, TM, yummy food, beautiful transcending music, my feelings, my mind, close friends, earth and you.

Mapping what I want.

I can't believe I'm doing this. Actually I've already wrote out the list.

Here are the categories of my life list, hehehe,  Home, Mate, Career, Health. All I need now is to get some photos. I'm thinking about making a poster out of it. I'm so unfocused that if I don't do that, I'd probably float until I die. My cousin calls me 'the jellyfish'...

Under home I have the following:

• highrise loft


• bright


• ocean or lake view


• art studio


• zen

Under Mate:

• hippie style


• healthy


• soft


• playful


• cheerful


• loving


• centered


• stable


• beautiful

Career:

• art


• college/university teacher


• $4000 per month


• east or west coast and maybe chicago


• urban


• fun

Health:

• yoga


• T.M.


• balanced


• light workout


• sex

Any thoughts? Anyone?

Yikes, I have to study!

What did I get myself into? lol
I have to take a bunch of none art classes :((
Ok, I just have to suck it up, bite down and finish this damn thing. hehehe.

Back to school

Ok, so I'm going back to school. I'm going to Fontbonne.
I've decided to finally finish my degrees. I'll get a BFA and then an MFA.
After I've completed my studies I will look to teach in a University.
The plan is to do that for 20 years and then retire.

By the way, here's one of my latest henna design...Enjoy!

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="one of my latest and favorite designs"][/caption]

Playing video games!

So I'm playing Fallout 3, it's a really cool game and yes, I'm a video game geek. It reminds me a bit of Bioshock, another really really cool game. I can't wait for Bioshock 2 to come out. I'm also waiting for Mass Effect 2, the first one was awesome!

I'm looking for a mate for the Fall and Winter season.

[caption id="attachment_366" align="alignleft" width="264" caption="me"][/caption]

One of my henna muse

[caption id="attachment_360" align="alignleft" width="293" caption="henna on The Beautiful."][/caption]

This is a sample of my henna work. I love to do it all over the body

Albuquerque

My show in Carlsbad!!!

I guess I have to back up a little. It's been a while since I've posted anything here.
I went to Carlsbad California to an artfair. I really enjoyed myself and met some really cool people. If I hadn't done so many drugs when I was younger I'd remember their names. I do however remember Judy Jewel. I really liked her work.
Ok, so here are some pics of my time there.

[caption id="attachment_228" align="alignleft" width="225" caption="My work and I"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_227" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="My little boxes"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_229" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="A day at the fair"][/caption]

fall 2009

so I decided to give worldpress a try. I don't think that blogger is bad but I just like to change things once in a while :).

I'm back in The Lou and for the first time, I'm really happy about that.

The Fall season is upon us and it just happens to be my favorite season. I think I'll need to find me a lover for the cold season.
Wouldn't it be cool to find a lover for just the seasons? Almost like a lease with option to renew...hum, I think I'm on to something. It would take a whole lot of imaginary pressure off.

Carlsbad!

So I've been accepted in the Carlsbad art fair. Yaaay! I'll be in September. I guess now I have to buy my ticket, make a hotel reservation and rent a car. OOoo, I also have paint the pieces for show.

Albuquerque revisited

So here I am again in Albuquerque. it's great to see Nomique again. I'll be here for a week. I'll get to paint as well for my possible art fair in Carlsbad.

Love

I had a nice dream last night.

I was at this big fancy party with rich guests. There was a big pool in the middle of the area and the guests where mingling when my (live) mom arrived with my (death) step father. They walked up to the hot tub. I looked down at the tub and I thought it looked like a giant washing machine. My parents went in. My mom rested on Alain and he held her and kisses her neck with so much love that I felt it. I was looking down at them and as I felt the love emanating from them, I thought: "Every child should see and feel this from their parents, this way they would know what to look for in life.".

Breakfast...no...dinner in Ottawa

 

So the little family left and here I am alone in this big big house. We bought all the canvasses, all 12 of them. I think I will start paingting on Monday, if I can wait that long :).
I have 14 days to create 12 paintings...I think I can do it! The wonderful thing is that my whole show is bought.

This is a photo of my dinner. It's a bowl of organic peaches, kiwis, banana, cereals and soy milk with no sugar added.

I no longer eat sugar, wheat, dairy, fried foods nor do I drink alcohol. Of course I make some exceptions to the rule.
I've decided to stay away from any foods that doesn't have the organic seal of approaval. I can no longer trust the food industry to have my health in mind. Their only concern is the bottom line, money.

I read an interesting article on 7 things you can do to prevent most cancers.

So I'm so confused.

I think it's more confusing because I made the mistake of thinking that I would never be confused like that again, hehehe.
I feel so weird and lost, yes lost and scared.
I feel my life has been flipped upside down yet nothing has changed...weird.
The change must be in me. It's stemming out of me. Maybe that's why it's so scary. If it was coming from the outside, I could hide within me. Where would I hide now, LOL. I have nowhere to go, hehe.

O Canada

So here I am once again in Ottawa.
This time around I went through Montreal and I have to say it was a much better experience with the custom agents.

I feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis. I feel like I'm at a crossroad, a fork. I'm not sure which way to go. I feel a little weak and vulnerable because I feel lost. I'm not sure of myself anymore.
I haven't felt this in sooooo long. I think I like it. I'm usually my best when I'm challenged. Either way, I am learning alot about me.

The less you know, the more you are.

My little walk today...

 

 

 

 

My car doesn't work so I decided to walk through the park to get some food.
It was a nice walk. On the way, I took some pics of the little things I saw.

Soooo...

 

Sooo, there is soo much smog here I woike up coughing this morning.
I really like Santa Monica. We went to Venice Beach today, now there's a pile of freaks for ya, hehehe.
I liked it though. I lot of people everywhere.
That beach is soooooooo long and there are many magical places to hang out and watch the sunset.
The beach is so long you could walk from Santa Monica to Venice beach.
Another thing, NOBODY respects the speed limit, hahaha.
that's hillarious. The limit is 55 and everyone is doing 90!
Today we went to Laguna beach, Laguna Niguel, Seal beach, San Clemente.
We had breakfast at Seal beach. It's a very cute sleepy town.
I have to say that I haven't see one black person in either Seal beach nor San Clemente. That was weird...almost in a Disney world kinda way.

San Clemente

 

 

 

 

Ramdom