really freaky dream

All I remember is that we ( my mom, my cousin Dimitri, his mom(?) I think, and some other people) are walking. We have to get to this place. At one point Dimitri's mother (but it wasn't his mother, it was a much older woman) somehow was in this well. My mom leans over to help. The next scene is that we're approaching my grand parent's (who are dead in real life) house when I'm wondering where is my mom. They tell me that she fell into the hole. I felt sick as I tried to wrap my head around this idea. We (Dimitri and I) end up at my grand parent's house when we hear them coming. My grand father, Edmond, meets us and embraces Dimitri first. He always liked him best. I notice as I hug him that Edmond is much taller and more built than he was in life. He looks good, happy and full of life. My grand mother, Merita, is behind him. She looks great too. In life, when she died, her mind was completely gone and was hunched over like Casimodo. Here, she was walking straight and her mind was clear. She was remembering and identifying stuff as if to show us how well she was. They said that it was due to some new medication she was taking. As we're about to sit at a table, I realize that I have to 'help' my mom. I can't just sit there. I must call the police or better yet the firemen. They need to go down that well, that very deep well, to recover her body. I don't even know if she's dead. Oh god, what if she's not dead. I'm ill just thinking about what she must have felt when she fell. I start panicking. I share this with the others and I say that either way there needs to be a resolution. What do I do with her home and legal life. There needs to be an official document or something. At this point Merita agrees with what happened. "yes, she fell into the book". What? No, she fell into the hole. I'm thinking Merita is loosing her head again but she insist that she fell into the book, just like Alice in Wonderland.

So, it's 3:29am and I'm awake. I had to write this vivid and weird dream.

I know that Merita is my great sub conscious and Edmond is my super conscious; that my mom is my sub conscious and that death means change. I'm not sure about the long black hole of a well. I guess part of me died in that hole...

I'm home?

So here I am back in Guadeloupe.
It's weird being here...
I've been living in St. Louis for 20 years now and now I'm in Guadeloupe, my home country.
I feel like I know this place and at the same time I don't.
I operate through the system but I feel like it's a dream.
It's almost as if I'm still in St. Louis in the "real" world, the awake world but I can't do anything in it and Guadeloupe is the dream world where I move around and make things happen.
I have been painting again, which is good. I've sold both paintings I've made, which is better.

Xmas

It was 52F on Christmas day when I had a late lunch at Latchi's.
I drank too much warm Sake and played with the kitties.
I started my trek to her place in tears as I watched the highway go by.
I guess the sun was setting and the music was beautiful.

Tiny bubble

I'm a tiny bubble
floating on the top
I ride with the waves
with no end in mind
you can see underneath
if you're above
you can see above
if you're below
I've seen strange creatures
above and below
I've seen sunlight and the rainbow
I don't know where I came from
but this I know
one day
this tiny bubble will pop!
and the air that was contained
within the thin layer of water
will be claimed by the sky
and so will the water
merge back into the vast ocean
and this tiny bubble
will be no more.

I live in my head

I live in my head
while some are trying to get an out of body experience
I'm trying to feel mine
thoughts are projected on my mind-screen
I'd say they're mine but they're not
others have the same
maybe thoughts are like radio waves
and we are the receiver/transmitter
picking up broadcasts
I wonder if we have preset stations
like the Christian channel, NPR
I wonder if we could reconfigure them
or not listen at all
maybe I can do this,
feel my body
it d0esn't require thought
it's just awaness
without the eye
without the I

Difference between knowledge & Information

IS THERE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN KNOWLEDGE AND INFORMATION?
Well, I'll tell you a little story, when my daughter Kian was about 2 or 3 we were driving thru the loop in U-City and she spotted a crow and yelled: "papa, regarde!" which means:"papa! look!" (we speak French to each other).
I glanced at the bird for half a second and said: "Oh yeah, that's a crow!" and that was the end of that. A few seconds later I realized that what she was pointing out was this interesting flying flapping black creature in the blue sky that was happening right now but what I was pointing at was the definition I had in my head of what a crow is. ie: a black bird of this size, that lives here, etc....
I realized that I didn't really look at what was happening now, I was using a past reference that was stored in my memory. I could not see. I would never be able to see this particular crow at this moment ever again. It was happening live :)

Knowledge is now. It is not in time. Knowledge is felt, information is thought. Information are bits and pieces of useless data. It's not useless for material things such as building a road, house, etc....but when it has to do with relationships, emotions, psychological well being then it is not only useless but detrimental (interesting word, detrimental. Detri-mental, detri (destroy) mental (mind).

You can have the information that smoking will hurt and kill your lungs, and still smoke. But when you can't breathe and have some chest pain or are coughing out bits and pieces of lungs then that's knowledge. You see? one is an idea, abstract, non personal the other is you.


Reply: I like it. What a great way to view life. Everything changes so fast and we are always using our prejudices and judgements to cloud what we see.

My theory on alien abduction

MY THEORY ON ALIEN ABDUCTION.
I believe that the brain records everything whether you remember it or not. All sensations that you had since childbirth, and probably before, are stored there.
What struck me about these stories of abduction was the similarity between them. They all see this bright light, they are then probed, tested, etc... by these creature with big eyes.
Well I believe they are just having a flashback about their own birth. If you think about it, at birth, your eyes aren't very developed so your vision might be blurry, then you are yanked from a warm and dark place into a cold and bright unknown space by these unknown creatures. All you can see are their eyes because the rest of their faces are covered with fabrick. These "aliens" Doctors and nurses manipulate, test, probe, weight, etc... your body.

So between some theory of weird looking creatures probing humans for unknown reasons or having a "flash back" of an actual experience...I'll stick with the actual experience.That's my theory and I stick by it :)

TOMORROW: IS THERE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN KNOWLEDGE AND INFORMATION?

The Madness Continues

The madness continues
It amazes me that I have to tell myself to slowdown. It always seems like I have to rush through life because there's something or another that I have to do. So I go through life always preoccupied with the next thing that needs to be done and never able to enjoy what going on right now... I mean REALLY enjoy.
To enjoy something completely would be to be lost in it. When this happens, it give me the sensation that I've arrived. The yearning emptiness is no longer. I no longer feel cut out or feel like I'm missing something.
Isn't it strange that by trying to become ONE with everything we feel cut out, left out and the minute you stop trying, you are one with everything.
It would seem like the desire it itself creates the pain, it's telling me that I'm lacking something, that I'm not complete whereas if you drop the desire, then there's no emptiness, nothing missing.
Of course it's very simple to say it because trying not to have a desire can be just another form of desire :-) and there you are again running after your smoky dreams.


Reply: I CONSTANTLY FEEL LIKE IM MISSING OUT ON THE BEST QUALITIES IN LIFE LOOKING AND THINKING ABOUT THE FUTURE. I AM ALWAYS REMINDING MYSELF TO NOT WORRY BECAUSE WORRYING DOES NOT DO ME A BIT OF GOOD. JUST BY LIVING IN A SMALL COUNTRY TOWN I HAVE TRIED TO MAKE MYSELF SLOW DOWN AND TAKE TIME TO SMELL THE ROSES. I MAKE MYSELF OBSERVE NATURE AT ITS Finest AND THAT HELPS ME TO ENJOY THE MOMENT AND NOT HAVE A LOT OF DESIRES FOR THE FUTURE. JUST A EVERYDAY SUNSET OR WATCHING HUMMINGBIRDS PROVIDES ME WITH A RELAXATION THAT REMINDS ME TO ENJOY LIFE AT THAT VERY MOMENT.
STEPH

And it will be beautiful...

The sweat sticks to my shirt, it's humid and grey.
In my heart the sunshines with clouds and all, the ocean is here as well.
Electricity runs through the sky of my mind.
The tree leaves are waving bye bye.
Stand up! I think.
Stand and rise amongst the sleepers.
Walk towards the clarity and touch the matrix of being.
The light will welcomes you.
Your heart is filled with sorrow and it is beautiful.
You feel the pain and flinch not.
Long ago in the desert someone opened the bottle,
a tree came out and lighting struck.
A white crow landed on the branch.
Thru the magnifying glass of time we saw each other and crossed over to the other side, where the others awaited.
In the spiraling floor I danced and danced the songs of the gypsies.
But the piano fell into the pond and all the creatures looked up.
"Enjoy" she whispered.
Ah, the magic mantra.
Ken drew the clock on the ground where the piano fell.
There stood a man, holding himself as the rain poured on and on.
He gave me the umbrella as lighting struck.
I was scared. My heart was pounding in my chest and the rain doubled.
I looked up and saw the butterfly drop to the ground.
His wings were wet and was crawling like a caterpillar.
I blew on his wings until they were dry.
He kissed me and flew away.
My feet sank into the wet dirt. They turned into mud.
My whole body melted into earth.
I could feel the water running through me.
I feared, and she said: "Enjoy".
Ah yes, the sacred mantra.
Worms were crawling through my flesh.
Was it my flesh? I don't know.
Tree roots were holding me tight and lot letting go.
It smelt good, rich and fertile.
"I shall dance the dance of time once more" she said.


-jeanjoel-

Life's what you make of it...Get me out of here! :)

Life is what you make of it....That seems right, right? Actually all you can change is your perception. So, maybe life is the same all the time, without any particular qualities? Then all of us "choses" to see it one way or another.
I was born into this world and when I arrived a great many people had already agreed to see the world in a very specific way. They then tried to convince, no, train me into seeing it their way saying things like: "well, that's just the way life is" or "That's just common sense", etc.... Don't get me wrong, I had a choice. I could either accept their world and be rewarded or not, and be punished...interesting choice indeed.
So I went along and pretended like everyone else...I guess, and by the time I had enough insight to see all this, I was already trained. Their basic beliefs were ingrained in my identity as an operating system is installed on a computer. I kept trying to delete the softwares & programs that were installed but the operating system stayed unchanged and was flawed....I NEED A NEW SYSTEM!!! or do I.
Actually it is having a system that makes me not see the world as it is. It is having a system that binds me by the rules of others. Is it possible to not have a system? I think yes, but no one wants to make that "choice". I guess somewhere we still remember the punishment of our younger days?
By dropping the system it would mean to stop depending on others for reassurance, guidance, truth, etc....It would mean walking alone & never knowing where your next step would be.
But it would also mean that you'd discover the world everyday instead of growing old and calcified with the heavyness of your own knowledge and judgements. It would also mean that no one could ever hurt you or emotionally or blackmail you, etc....Life would then be an immense adventure, a mystical movie projected on the screen of your mind with no end in sight.

Parable of Life

--"A group of tourists sits in a bus that is passing throught gorgeously beautiful country; lakes and mountains and green fields and rivers. But the shades of the bus are pulled down. They do not have the slightest idea of what lies beyond the windows of the bus. And all the time of their journey is spent in squabbling over who will have the seat of honor in the bus, who will be applauded, who will be well considered. And so they remain till the journey's end."--
Anthony de Mello "The Way To Love".

I'm just a little leaf...

How I wish I could be like a leaf on the river, floating, twirling down the stream. Carefree and careless I would be if I were that little leaf. There's no need to speed or to slowdown, there just isn't a need. I would just gently float down and watch the world go by. I would see the cows drinking, the people laughing and crying but I wouldn't care, I would just keep on floating until I reached the great sea.

Hummm...

So...If you had a choice between staying in prison with everyone or walk the earth free forever alone, which would you pick?

Rat race

Every one is running, rushing, pushing, zooming by with huge Hummers, huge monster cars oblivious to the sky above, the air they breathe or those little people on the street. The quest for more is never ending, somehow whatever they have is not enough. When is it enough? Do we ever "get there"? Or is it just a long journey of wanting and yearning. Who is in charge? Who is in control of what's important in your life? Is it you or everyone else? Do you believe in heaven with white floating angels playing harp or 90 something virgins waiting for you. Do you believe in tomorrow.... I don't. My life is here now. I let the Mickey Mouse beliefs in Disney World.